


Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough for the Four of Us

by bergann



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Episode Tag, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-31
Updated: 2010-01-31
Packaged: 2017-10-06 21:43:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bergann/pseuds/bergann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I bet I'm someone awesome!" Barney says, "Like a stuntman. Ooh! Or a firefighter. Ooh! A lion tamer!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough for the Four of Us

**Author's Note:**

> So immediately after watching _How I Met Your Mother_ 5.02, this popped into my head. As such, this will obviously contain slight mentions of things that happened in 5.02

Lesbian Robin, Mexican Marshall, Stripper Lily. Barney and Ted both agree the doubles so far have been awesome and so very worth it, so it makes sense that they can't really help but discuss what _their_ doubles are going to be like.

"I bet I'm someone awesome!" Barney says, "Like a stuntman. Ooh! Or a firefighter. Ooh! Or a lion tamer."

"A lion tamer?" Ted asks, "You want your doppelganger to be a lion tamer? How would we even know he's a lion tamer?"

"You would see it," Barney says, the _duh_ going unsaid.

"How? Is he going to walk down the street with a whip and some lions?"

Barney points his finger at him, scotch swirling in his glass, and he's smiling as he says, "No. But kinky. I approve."

Ted rolls his eyes. "I think my doppelganger is going to be a stand up comedian."

Barney snorts.

"Yeah right," he says, "Like you're ever gonna be hilarious to a crowd, even if it's not actually you. There's not a huge crowd for bad puns that reminds everyone of their dad, Ted."

"You run from danger. There's no way any double of yours would tame lions, unless they're tamed by a grown man screaming like a girl. Which I doubt, since they're lions." Ted says and Barney scowls at him. Ted's gaze slides to the side and he says, "Blonde lesbians at four o'clock."

Barney looks so fast he probably got whiplash and grins approvingly. It's a temporary truce.

*

 

There are numerous false alarms before it actually happens. Everyone's a little trigger happy on the doppelganger button since they uncovered 3/5 of the gang. They're all so excited to see the last two, which means Ted gets a lot of phone calls from the others telling him they've found double Ted or double Barney. Usually it just turns out to actually be Ted and/or Barney.

Then one day, it isn't Ted and/or Barney. Except for how it totally looks like it is.

"Barney," Ted hisses, can't help slowing down and gripping Barney's arm to make sure Barney doesn't barge ahead without him. "Is that--?"

Barney looks and stops and stares. "Holy shit!" he says, and it's entirely possible it's a little too loud. Scratch that, it is definitely too loud, because the couple on the bench break apart and look around, confused and slightly irritated expression on their faces.

Ted grabs Barney and shoves him into a side alley, because there's awkward, and then there's _awkward_. They both stand there behind a really foul smelling dumpster for several minutes, just staring at each other slightly wide-eyed once Barney stops the initial struggle and rights his suit. "We must never speak of this to the others," Barney hisses into Ted's ear, actually drawing him closer as though there's anyone around who's listening in. "They will _never let it go_."

"Uhm," a voice says from behind them. Ted knows that voice, because that's _his voice_ only it really isn't. "I hope we're not interrupting anything?"

Ted turns around. It's even more bizarre when they're not just sucking face. His double is in a grey suit, like he wants to be George Clooney except he ruins the entire thing by wearing a pink t-shirt on under a open at the neck black shirt, and Barney's double...Barney's double looks like he belongs in a training studio. Ted's surprised he can move at all, the clothes actually look that tight. Shouldn't he be freezing?

He doesn't let his eyes stray below the waist. Barney has no such trouble, and Ted elbows him in the stomach. Barney's eyes snap up.

"Wow," Barney's double says, "This is totally unreal."

Ted laughs. It sounds fake. "Yeah," he says, scratching at his neck, "who would ever think one day they'd run into their double while walking down the street?"

Ted's double grins. "I know right? I mean, me and Ethan usually meet at that bench every Tuesday, since our lunch hours line up and everything. I can't believe we've never seen you guys before!"

Ted's double totally has a lisp. That's so...stereotypically gay. Even if Ted hadn't seen him with his tongue down Ethan's throat a second ago.

"We should totally have drinks," Ethan offers cheerfully, "Justin and I will even pay. It'll be our treat to our doppelgangers. I mean, this is crazy, even for New York."

Barney laughs; that fake little laugh that means he's completely uncomfortable but won't ever admit it. When he smiles, it's with only one side of his mouth. "Yeah, totally, we'd love to. But see, me and Ted, we -- we gotta go. We've got a reservation."

"Ooh, that's so exciting." Justin says, produces a business card out of a jacket pocket. "We won't keep you waiting, of course, but you should _so_ call us to get together for a coffee or some yoghurt or something. No one's going to believe this. It's so surreal."

"Hah," Ted says, takes the card and pockets it. "Of course. Well..."

"Wait!" Ethan says, "We can't let you leave without proper introductions. _Duh_. I'm Ethan and this is my husband Justin. He's a data analyst. You can probably guess what I am." His laugh is open and inviting, and they all join in for a moment.

"Wow," Barney whispers to Ted, "Even gay you has a boring job." To Justin and Ethan, he says, "I'm Barney and this is my best bro Ted. Ted draws for a living and I'm a magician."

"Wow," Justin says, "I've always wanted to try magic."

"Barney, that's not tr--" Ted starts, because there's no reason to actually _lie_. That's just rude.

"Well," Barney says, starts moving slowly to the side with a grip on Ted's wrist to make sure Ted follows. "We really are in a hurry. It was nice...meeting you. Bizarre, but nice."

Ethan and Justin beam back as Ted and Barney start to walk away.

"Call us!" Justin shouts after them and Ted turns to wave a little awkwardly. When he turns around, Barney has his phone out and is snapping a picture.

"What?" Barney asks at Ted's look. "Dude, did you _see_ the muscles on my double? I'll just edit it in Photoshop; no one will know the difference."

Ted has some doubts about that, but he doesn't voice them. He thumbs the card in his pocket and lets Barney talk about how this picture would've gotten him so many girls, if only Robin wasn't cramping his style.


End file.
